Over the last sixteen years, we have witnessed a miraculous change at Antioch. When I arrived as pastor over sixteen years ago, the church was like virtually every other church in America: we lost 80-90% of our young people to the world by the time they were twenty years old. This continued for several years. However, by the grace of God we have seen that trend completely flip. Currently well over 90% of the young people raised in our church are currently walking with Christ. We still see people fall into sin. We are far from perfect. However, the loss of our young people to the world is becoming exceedingly rare. How has this happened?
Grace
The simple answer is that God has been so, so gracious to us. There really is no other explanation. There is nothing that we have done that has merited this or deserved this. It is God’s overflowing unmerited favor. Does this mean we have done nothing? Not at all. It means that we discovered a long-forgotten concept that the church used to preach with regularity.
The Means of Grace
If you read old theologians, they speak of the means of grace. Simply put, God does what God is going to do. We cannot control Him or force His hand. However, God has ordained ways in which He normally acts. These things are called the “means of grace.” Corporate worship, Bible reading, prayer, etc. are all means of grace. If you want to be saved, God can save you in a bar. However, God works through the means of the proclamation of His Word. In other words, going to church does not guarantee you will be saved. However, that is the normal way God’s grace comes. If you want to experience God’s saving grace, go to church not a bar.
Humility
God gives grace to the humble. Humility is the primary means of God’s grace (James 4:6.) This means that we readily admit that at Antioch we do not have all the answers. We have made plenty of mistakes. We have had children walk away from Christ. We are far from a perfect example to follow. I often tell my people from the pulpit, “I have no idea what I am doing.” However, this is the key! I know enough not to trust my own ideas! I must lean on Christ and His Word (Proverbs 3:5-6.) The moment you believe that anything you do or could do will cause your kids to walk with Christ, you are moving outside of the means of grace. A proper view of self means that I must continually come to Christ myself and bring my children to Him. He is the only hope for their souls.
Humility also means acknowledging that we are the reason many have walked away! Although each sinner is personally responsible for their own sin, we acknowledge that many have been hurt in our church. We have not loved as we should. We have not done everything right. We have had to apologize many times over. We listen to those who walk away if they are willing to talk. When they are not, we examine ourselves to ask why we are not approachable, how we have hurt them, etc. Many times, these things are not the fault of anyone in the church. However, humility means that we must keep that possibility open and allow the Lord to show us the beams that still remain in our eyes (Matthew 7:3-5.)
Prayer
If we are truly humble, it naturally follows that our church is a praying church. We still have a Prayer Meeting each Wednesday. By Prayer Meeting, I mean that is all we do. We take prayer requests, and we pray. That’s it. This is the secret to every good thing that has happened within our church. Our children from infancy are part of these prayer meetings. They literally sit in our laps while we pray. (To be perfectly honest, sometimes they are running around the auditorium as well.) We pray for our children’s souls continually, and we join other parents in praying for their kids. Prayer has been one of the greatest means whereby God’s grace has come to our children.
Confession
These prayer times also include another vital means of grace, confession. As we separate into smaller groups of men with boys and women with girls, we take individual prayer requests. These requests include parents confessing their sins and asking for prayer for victory (in front of their kids.) On a weekly basis I gather with about 10 young men and boys to pray (ages 2-17.) I lead the way in talking about my spiritual struggles and asking these boys to pray for me. This opens the door for the boys to confess their own struggles and teaches them that this is normal for Christians to do. It teaches them to take their struggles to Christ for answers. Each Wednesday all across our auditorium you will hear children asking prayer for salvation; men asking prayer for victory over lust and gluttony; women asking prayer for patience; boys and girls asking for prayer for their attitudes towards their parents, their tempers, and to get along with their brothers and sisters.
Fasting
Individual and corporate fasting is a regular part of our church life. We have had numerous church wide fasts ranging from forty days down to skipping one meal. The souls of our children are one of the main reasons we fast and pray; we have even called for a church wide fast for one of our teenagers who was not walking with Christ. Sometimes a couple parents will agree together to fast for their children.
Corporate Worship
Perhaps the most ironic thing about God’s grace is that He always moves against conventional wisdom. At Antioch we have taken a far different path than most churches. We do not have a youth group. We do not have a nursery during corporate worship; every church gathering is open to children. We have found that the more we headed in this direction the more young families came to our church. Conventional wisdom is to hire a youth pastor, and young families will attend. We found the opposite to be true. Currently about 45% of our church is under the age of 18.
This means that our children are regularly in corporate worship from infancy. Next to humility, corporate worship is perhaps the greatest means of grace in all of God’s economy of grace. As such, we want our children to be present. Of course this creates many, many “problems.” However, if 90% of our children do not walk away from the church the problems are worth it! Our children sit with us, sing with us, listen to the sermons with us, and serve with us from infancy.
Fellowship
We do not regularly separate our church gatherings by age or generation. We are a truly intergenerational church. This means that I know every child by name and have a relationship with them. Our children know the older saints, and they interact with them on a regular basis. These intergenerational relationships are a tremendous means of grace towards our church and especially our young people.
Family Worship
Our church heavily emphasizes family worship. Years ago, a man came to me with questions about family worship. He said, “I feel out of place here. I feel like I am the only man in the entire church who does not read the Bible to his children.” Of course, this is not true; but I desperately want it to be! Parents pouring the Word into their children on a daily basis is a tremendous means of grace (Deuteronomy 6:7.)
Emphasize fatherhood
Virtually every passage of Scripture on raising children is directed implicitly to fathers, not mothers. However, the American church has come up with the supposed “biblical gender role” of mothers raising children. We have taken the opposite approach. You will rarely see a mother in our church leave the service with a disruptive toddler; it is almost always the father. After church, the playground is normally filled with dads, not moms. Men baptize their children upon their professions of faith. When mom is sick, dad still shows up with the kids including toddlers. This is God’s prescribed model for the family as found throughout all of Scripture.
Discipleship
I preach and teach regularly on marriage and family. One thing that I constantly emphasize is that parents are the primary disciplers of their children. It is not the church’s responsibility to take over for parents. It is my job to equip parents in this holy work. God has greatly blessed these efforts.
Holiness
Many children walk away from the faith because the faith of their parents is filled with hypocrisy. We emphasize living a genuine Christian life as a means of grace to others. Parents must understand that children will do as they do, not as they say. Many, many young people walk away from Christ because of the sins of their parents. We encourage parents to walk in holiness with a sincere faith. A huge emphasis of holiness is a functioning marriage. By God’s grace divorce is extremely rare at Antioch. A healthy marriage is God’s design for producing Godly children (Malachi 2:14-15.) To this end, I preach and teach regularly on marriage, and I have a constant stream of pre-marital and marriage counseling.
Regular Rhythms of Grace
These regular rhythms of grace lead to an environment that helps children turn to Christ and the people of the church for answers when they are struggling. Many of our teenagers have come to my office to talk about eating disorders, resentment towards their parents, struggles with porn, sexual sin, doubts about Christianity, etc. They do not just do this with me as their pastor; they also do this with the other men and women in our church, not just their parents. God has graciously given us an environment where faith is fostered as God’s grace is poured out.
Prodigals Return
Please understand that we have problems, and we do not have all of this figured out. We have had prodigals walk away. However, by God’s grace we have seen many of them turn! Even as I write, a few have begun the process of returning to Christ. Although these prodigals may not know it, we are planning the parties for when they return. There will be no shaming. There will be no guilt. There will only be joy! (This is the way of grace.) If you are a prodigal from Christ, please know that you are welcome to return to the Father at Antioch! We have hope in Christ that all our prodigals will be restored by God’s grace, and we are diligently praying to that end. We do not give up on our children! We are blessed to have many former prodigals in our membership. (After all, aren’t we all prodigals?) Ironically, sometimes we have former prodigals who are now seeking the restoration of their straying parents.
Conclusion
This is merely an overview. Admittedly, it is a very clinical overview lacking in detail, justification, and explanation. Every point above could merit its own series of articles, and I plan on writing in greater detail on these important matters of marriage and family. I have hesitated for years on whether to speak on these issues at all outside of our church. A friend prompted me to share this with the greater body of Christ. All good you glean is from Christ! All error is my own. May God be gracious to us, save our children, and restore our prodigals to Himself!
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