There are many common marriage problems. Children can often bring to the surface deeper issues and tensions within the marriage. As we will see children are not the problem. They only bring out the true underlying issues.
The Trinity’s Overflowing Delight
In order to understand the underlying issues we turn once again to God and His character. Before there was anything God existed as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. These three separate beings with separate roles and operations have always existed in such a perfect unity that they are one God. Within the Trinity there is a perfect unity that overflows with delight, joy, and pleasure. As God, God has no need of any other being; He is complete without anything else. The delight within the Trinity was so great, that God created the heavens, the earth, the universe, and mankind to show His delight in His Son and the Son’s delight in the Father. We were made to not only glorify God but partake of His glory. God created mankind to share in His joy.
The Trinity’s Selflessness
The actions of God are entirely selfless. He created a universe to share in the joy and delight He experienced. Let that sink in. God created the whole universe and, more specifically, an untold number of human beings to share His joy with. When these human beings turned their back and rejected Him God sent His Son to die so that they might be redeemed and enjoy Him forever. The very character of God is selfless and giving.
The Gift of Children
Just as the unity of the Trinity overflowed into the creation of mankind to share in their delight, so the union of a husband and wife will naturally overflow into bringing children into this world. The blessing of God was that as He produced a universe to share in His joy so human beings should bring forth many children to share in their joy as well. Children are blessings, and they reflect the very character of the Trinity creating this world.
In the same vein, the Great Commission and the Dominion Mandate of Genesis 1 are really one and the same. The whole earth is to be filled with people who reflect back the character and image of God (His glory.) When someone is united with Christ, the natural result should be a sharing of the Gospel with others so that they might share in our joy.
The Real Problem
The real problem with children within marriage is that the parents do not have the nature of God. We are selfish not selfless. We view children as those who would take our time, our health, our sleep, our finances, our joy, etc. We do not view them as those that we can share our joy with. The root cause is almost always selfishness of the parents, not children, allowances, education decisions, discipline, etc. The other problem can be an unhealthy attachment and unity with the child as opposed to the spouse. In these situations, the child does not share in the joy the union of husband and wife produces; the child usurps the spouse. This again is contrary to the nature of God.
The solution to marital problems involving children is repentance and faith. It is turning to Jesus and seeking to be like Him through the power of the Spirit. It is learning to be selfless like Jesus and learning to be united with your spouse as He is united with the Father. The character of God imparted to us through regeneration and sanctification is the answer.
Do you view children as something to steal your joy or share your joy with? Will you repent of your selfishness and turn to Jesus?